I start off with a heartfelt thank you to those of you reading this blog and to those who have had the courage to step forward and message me about the adoption-related posts. You have taken the time and energy to step out of your comfort in touching base with me and sharing your stories. I started adoption related postings; with the hopes that you may find even a small part of yourself here. I am touched to know as well that there are others out there who have connected with the post(s) that are not part of the adoption triad. Thank you again to all!
I left off talking about those ever so important documents that my A.M. shared with me. I truly believe they were a saving grace for me and they were something for me to hold onto while I bide my time waiting for my non-identifiable documents to arrive. While waiting I continued going to the local search and support group meetings and tried to arm myself with as much knowledge as I could so that I would know how to best move forward when this information arrived. And keeping in mind I wasn’t giving it the thought process it deserved; I really wanted to be ready to “GO” when they came in. More importantly was the support I received from the group and the stories I was able to take part in and listen to. These groups were for the triad as a whole and although we didn’t have too many A.P. there we were fortunate to have many adoptees and B.P. As time would go on it opened my eyes to the other side of the story; the story that for so long I could only see from my view; the only perspective I had. I was always of the mindset that “groups’ weren’t my thing. I imagined people wallowing and sharing miseries and instead what I found was a loving group of people who welcomed each other shared their pain and their joys. It was they that gave me the strength to forge ahead and be prepared for the many different outcomes I could be facing in trying to locate and connect with, my biological family, The group and it’s then chair “James”, for many years not only became my friends but very much my family. We could talk about and share our situations and feelings with one another, and not with pity or judgment but with understanding, love and shared tears. Birth parents were brave enough to trust us with their experiences that lead them to relinquish their child(ren). I thank them to this day for opening their hearts and being vulnerable to the judgment they would fear facing in that room. I thank the Adoptive parents that were strong enough to come into the meetings with and without their adoptive children to talk about how they were affected by various situations. There were some who came for the support of dealing with their adult child searching; some trying to find a way to tell their child (as well as adult children) they were adopted, and some dealing with the fear they were being replaced and the shame they harbored of not wanting their child to search. I can’t say that I accepted all that I heard or that it took away my anger or my situation but I can say that it did lessen it. (Not all my misgivings came from being adopted. To clarify circumstance (which I’ll share another time) stepped in and I wasn’t raised by both my adoptive parents. I know I would have felt differently (in a positive way) had my adoptive father not died.)
Feeling, seeing and hearing the pain of others first hand gave me the ability to grow and accept things that I know could not have happened otherwise. Yes…it truly was a place of shared experience, emotional growth, empathy, sympathy, and love.